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Handling Speed Bumps on the Road of Dating

17 Mar

I want to share an inter­est­ing analogy with you that will help you deal with women in a much more cool, calm, and col­lected way. It is going to really help you get to where you want to go, so read along here.

The analogy has to do with what you do when you come to a speed bump when you are driving in your car.

You see, I was advis­ing a friend the other day about what to do with a woman who was giving him resis­tance at every step of the way as he tried to get to know her and set up a date. He was getting all flus­tered and wanted to reply to every­one of the things she brought up to test him.

For example, he had been email­ing her for a while, and she just stopped email­ing him for a long time. He emailed her back telling her in the mail “I haven’t heard from you in a long time”.

OK, put your­self in his posi­tion and let’s call the fact that she wasn’t writing to you a “speed bump”. Imagine you are trying to drive to her place, and she keeps laying out speed bumps along the way to slow you down. It is kind of the same thing, she is trying to slow you down from getting to date her and have sex with her.

The reasons for this can be many and it’s not worth obsess­ing over too much. She could gen­uinely be busy, or she could be testing to see how inter­ested or des­per­ate you are, etc.

But now let’s think about what you would do if you came to a speed bump while driving along in real life. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I go over them a lot faster than most people I know. And I never get out of my car and stop to point out to anyone else that there is a speed bump.

I mean, can you imagine that? “Hey, look at this; this here is one of them speed bumps!”

Speed bumps are a fact of life, and so is the fact that women will tend to have excuses and time lags in respond­ing to you. You have to treat both of them the same. You can slow down a little bit if you want, but you don’t make a big deal of it, and by all means you drive over it and keep going. It’s amazing though how when it’s a dating speed bump how many guys just freak out our give up entirely.

The other issue my friend was dealing with was that after he did get in touch with her, she men­tioned some­thing about her boyfriend in her email.

Boyfriend, you never told me you had a boyfriend!”

Raise your hand if you ever have thought that in a similar sit­u­a­tion. It’s OK, you are prob­a­bly at home and nobody can see you. I am at home writing this and I am raising my hand, so you are in good company. Happens to all of us.

But from now on that is just a speed bump, OK? Slow down a bit if you want, but just drive right over it and keep going.

See, she may or may not have a boyfriend, but in any case it’s a test. In this case I think it hap­pened because my friend had failed her first test. He told her he had hit a speed bump when he said in his email to her that “I haven’t heard from you in a long time”.

Saying this does nothing except say that you care about the fact that you haven’t heard from her. Its subtext says “my life is boring and I have been count­ing the days since last you wrote to me, dear princess”.

When hitting that par­tic­u­lar speed bump, I per­son­ally speed up and have fun bounc­ing ener­get­i­cally over it. I ignore the fact it is there and write to her saying “How are things with you? Things are great with me; I just did XYZ the other day…” No mention of her not writing, it doesn’t matter.

OK, getting back to the boyfriend speed bump. I first want to mention as an aside here that I tend to never ask a woman if she has a boyfriend, because many women think they will appear unde­sir­able to men if they say no, and will even make up a lie on the spot to avoid that, saying they do when really they don’t.

On the other hand, if you get to the stage of mutual attrac­tion quick enough then you never need to worry about that.

So let us say that despite your best efforts not to even hit a boyfriend speed bump, you did. Don’t even acknowl­edge it; just keep going with your intent to meet up with her.

If she was testing to see you are a cool, calm, col­lected guy, you pass the test.

If she wanted to know that you are per­sis­tent and go for your goal, you pass the test.

If she really has a boyfriend, she might think you are a better can­di­date for that posi­tion, and give you the “inter­view” after all.

And, worst case, maybe she really has a boyfriend and she puts up a wall instead of a speed bump. The better you get, the less likely you hit a wall.

I told my friend not to even mention the boyfriend in his reply and to just focus on the pos­i­tive things in her mail and keep going forward.

What are some other speed bumps you might hit?

I don’t know you that well.”
“You are not my type.”
“I will call you back if I have time.”
“I am really busy these days.”
Etc.

In each case, the point is not to let her see it phases you in any way.

As you go along you will learn ways that work best for you to deal with the common ones, but if you don’t have a stan­dard response, just ignore it, change the subject, and come back later when you have her laugh­ing or feeling good.

So for every minor speed bump you hit, ignore it and KEEP DRIVING.

That con­cludes this edition of the “Pickup Arts” section, the take­away is: for every minor speed bump you hit, ignore it and keep driving, always keep focused on your goal. There is much more to learn, but hope­fully you have a good overview you can use for when­ever you hit a speed bump from now on.

 

Get Into Her GENES!

14 Mar

Today I want to cover “fashion” in a sense LOL

It is the goal of almost every red blooded man on this planet to get into the jeans of the sexiest women he can. But what few of them realize is that you have to actu­ally first get into their GENES! What do I mean by this? I mean that you have to under­stand some facts that science has uncov­ered that will help you with your quest. Evolutionary psy­chol­ogy and genet­ics have uncov­ered many facts which are essen­tial to under­stand­ing women.

Luckily for you, I have read more than my fair share of books on the subject, so in this and future reports under this title, I am going to give you just a few snip­pets of the knowl­edge I have gained.

Today we will be dis­cussing how women gen­er­ally chose mates based on eco­nomic resources or their *poten­tial* to gain resources in the future, and how this pref­er­ence varies by country around the world.

Most of what we will discuss today comes from the excel­lent book The Evolution of Desire by David M. Buss, which I highly rec­om­mend that you read. All of the quoted pas­sages in this section come from this book.

It is fairly common knowl­edge that women tend to prefer “rich” guys over poor “guys”, good looking guys over not so good looking guys. But we don’t deny the general truth of these facts; instead we try to under­stand why they are facts so that we can get around them.

The book “The Evolution of Desire” cites a study of 10, 047 women from coun­tries around the world: “Overall, women value finan­cial resources about 100 percent more than men do, or roughly twice as much. There are some cul­tural vari­a­tions. Women from Nigeria, Zambia, India, Indonesia, Iran, Japan, Taiwan, Colombia, and Venezuela value good finan­cial prospects a bit more than women from South Africa (Zulus), and the Netherlands, and Finland. In Japan, for example, women value good finan­cial prospects roughly 150% more than men do, whereas women from the Netherlands deem finan­cial prospects only 36% more impor­tant than their male coun­ter­parts do, or less than women from any other country.”

Since we have readers from around the world, it’s helpful to realize that if you live in a country where women don’t need to rely on men so much, you might have an easier time of attract­ing women if you don’t have much money. Countries like the Netherlands, Finland, and Sweden have great welfare and social pro­grams and so women don’t care so much about money. If you are in a country like Japan or Hong Kong then, using this bit of fact you could con­sider moving to the Netherlands!

But moving takes a lot of effort and money, which if you had enough of you wouldn’t need to move in the first place, so what might be a better solution?

The good news is that women often can’t know for sure just by looking exter­nally what your finan­cial resources are. (For example, a woman looking at Warren Buffett driving his own average car with no chauf­feur would never know he was the second richest man in the world.) So they try to judge this through the way you act, the way you carry your­self, etc.

But women needed cues to signal a man’s pos­ses­sion of those resources. These cues might be indi­rect, such as per­son­al­ity char­ac­ter­is­tics that sig­naled a man’s upward mobil­ity. They might be phys­i­cal, such a as man’s ath­letic ability or health. They might include rep­u­ta­tional infor­ma­tion, such as the esteem in which a man was held by his peers.”

These things are more directly in your control. You can adapt per­son­al­ity char­ac­ter­is­tics that are attrac­tive to women, such as con­fi­dence and dom­i­nance and per­sis­tence. You can exer­cise and eat well to keep in good health. You can improve your rep­u­ta­tion and learn how to stand out in groups of people through how you speak and carry yourself.

The news gets even better when you con­sider the following:

A long history of evo­lu­tion by selec­tion has fash­ioned the way in which women look at men as success objects. But the pos­ses­sion of resources is not enough. Women also need men who possess traits that are likely to lead to the sus­tained acqui­si­tion of resources over time.”

What this means really is that if you have the show the kind of traits that women are looking for, you could actu­ally be better off than a man who is rich already but doesn’t display these traits. If this is hard to under­stand, here is an example:

Let’s say you are a strug­gling writer who has no money and is in debt, but you show intense drive and passion and belief in your own future success, you can still be much more attrac­tive to a woman than a guy who was born into money but is burning through it quickly and has no passion or drive or evident ability to make more money in the future.

And women who value the per­son­al­ity char­ac­ter­is­tics likely to lead to status and sus­tained resource acqui­si­tion are far better off than women who ignore these vital char­ac­tero­log­i­cal cues.”

What this says is that women who learned to look not just at the appear­ance of resources, but rather the traits nec­es­sary to get resources, were better off evo­lu­tion­ally speak­ing. That means that most women alive today value these traits them­selves more than the mere appear­ance of having money and resources.

In summary, women do indeed look for men with resources and judge that roughly twice as impor­tant as men do when looking for a mate. But this varies greatly around the world, and since resources can be faked or hidden, women evolved to look for per­son­al­ity and behav­ior signs that a man has resources, or will be able to get them in the future.

So the take­away is that you have a few choices, you can either move to the Netherlands, or get really rich, or instead you can learn how to show the traits women are looking for in your actions and con­ver­sa­tion and behav­ior. Some of these were covered above, like keeping healthy, showing passion and drive, dom­i­nance, etc.

 

Give To Receive

10 Mar

I wonder if you’ve expe­ri­enced this before…

You are talking to a girl or group of people from which there is a woman you are inter­ested in and your thoughts race on with things like “Oh, they don’t like me” or “She doesn’t like me” or “I’m not good looking” or “They are think­ing I am stupid, ugly, annoy­ing, or weird”. Maybe these thoughts pop in your head a lot?

The focus of these thoughts is partly an issue with self-esteem, lack of expe­ri­ence, and anxiety or inse­cu­rity. The driving force for those thoughts, and the balance of why they might pop into your thoughts when inter­act­ing, is because at that moment you have a focus of desire of wanting to GET some­thing from someone else or other people. The things you want to get are: val­i­da­tion, being liked, being accepted, being included, being desired, being appre­ci­ated. The dif­fi­culty with this kind of think­ing is two-fold:

First, it’s focused on wanting things from others before it is clear at all to other people whether they might even get the same thing from you, or that you want some­thing from them which you haven’t dis­played a reason for them to give or that you are there to “take” and not “give”.

Second, the people and women you talk to might very well be think­ing the same thing. The same thoughts might be in their heads: “Oh, they don’t like me” or “He doesn’t like me” or “I’m not good looking” or “They are think­ing I am stupid, ugly, annoy­ing, or weird”. And, of course, this comes from the same source of wanting to GET some­thing from another person before gen­uinely accept­ing, trust­ing, or showing outward inter­est or appre­ci­a­tion of the other person: wanting val­i­da­tion, being liked, being accepted, being included, being desired, being appreciated.

So here you have 2 people, both wanting to GET before ever giving any­thing. It seems like a stale­mate, right?

Presuming that most people are willing to meet others and have an inter­est in other people (which, actu­ally, is true whether you want to believe it or not) here are 2 ways to solve this “stalemate”:

  1. Display a lot of outward value (of a greater value than what they might already have) and put them in the role of needing your atten­tion, of chasing you, for the sake of that outward value.
  2. Realize that you have inner value which you can share, that is lim­it­less and endless, and be willing to be the first to “give”.

Both methods are per­fectly pro­duc­tive, and in fact the first one is of the type you might find as advice given when you are learn­ing the process of meeting women. That would be in the realm of either “fake it ‘til you make it” or lit­er­ally improv­ing your­self all the time in order to actu­ally increase your “value” as a person.

We already cover this in dif­fer­ent ways in other reports, so I want to focus today on the other “method”, which you can start today.

There is nothing spe­cific to learn about it, no word-for-word mem­o­riza­tion, no routine, and cer­tainly no major invest­ment other than to open your­self up to real­iz­ing other people might very well be feeling similar things that you are feeling and to “give” them ini­tially what you might want to receive in order to get things flowing.

So how do you know WHAT to give and HOW to give it? Actually, it’s pretty easy and doesn’t involve me telling you any­thing specific.

It’s as easy as just

  1. Being aware of your own thoughts and what you’re seeking (not ulti­mate goal but the imme­di­ate response)
  2. Connecting what you want as an imme­di­ate response and how that relates to a core desire like wanting to be accepted, liked, appre­ci­ated, etc.
  3. Realizing these are pretty much the same thoughts the other person, likely the woman you are talking to, also wants (to be accepted, liked, appre­ci­ated, etc)
  4. Letting go of your own desire.
  5. Making the other person feel like they are receiv­ing what they want from you.

This will open the door to them also being able to let go of what they want (because they got it) and start giving you the stuff that you wanted.

Now, keep in mind this does NOT mean smoth­er­ing the person with affec­tion or piling on com­pli­ments, and COULD be as simple as a genuine smile and comment in regards that you noticed some­thing pos­i­tive about them.

Really, imagine your­self in those sit­u­a­tions where you felt the kind of anxiety of needing a certain val­i­da­tion and the person you wanted to talk to paused, smiled, and told you some­thing pos­i­tive about your­self. Wouldn’t opening up to them become a lot easier? Form such a small thing, wouldn’t you feel much more con­fi­dent when talking to that person?

It’s the same sort of way they will react, too. If you can keep this in mind, and be aware of just this ONE kind of think­ing, it can open a lot more doors for you than you may have already been expe­ri­enc­ing. Maybe even be the thing that opens doors for you if you’ve been feeling a lack of success or inabil­ity so far to move forward with others.

I know, it’s not an easy thing to do at first, and SOME people will react weirdly or reject such things from others, but that’s THEIR problem and not yours. You can also realize, if you do run into such reac­tions, that you’ve not given any­thing up except a moment of your time and a piece of your lim­it­less reserve of inner value.

And, it’s OK because you should gen­uinely not expect any­thing in return or even display that you expect any­thing in return. Be willing to do this small thing and more doors will open up.

You’re on your way.

I really enjoy knowing you’re going to be more suc­cess­ful, and you deserve it.

 

Get in Touch with Your Inner Asshole

07 Mar

In a recent ques­tion from someone who read one of our reports, we got asked about why some guys come off as “ass­holes” when being suc­cess­ful with women. I wrote him a back with a short answer, but the whole issue about being nice needs to be covered in more depth.

You see, for the longest time I was one of the prover­bial nice guys, and it worked OK with some women but really badly with other women. I used to be baffled by guys who were total dicks to women but still dated really attrac­tive women. Worse still, some of these guys even phys­i­cally abused the women they dated, and yet these beau­ti­ful women still came back for more.

That last one in par­tic­u­lar used to confuse me, because I would talk to these women and showed genuine concern, which in turn I figured would also have the nice side effect of causing them to be attracted to me as a poten­tial savior from their hor­ri­ble sit­u­a­tion. I would tell them I would protect them from the abusive boyfriend, etc. None of this ever worked, these girls would stay with the guy despite every­thing else.

Now, while I still would never harm any woman phys­i­cally, I have finally come to under­stand one aspect of why guys who act like ass­holes or even abuse their women can still attract really good looking women. It all comes down to evolution.

You see, evo­lu­tion is ruth­less. It pretty much weeds out the weak over time, and pro­motes the strong. The strong kill the weak, and the weak don’t survive. This is called natural selection.

You have prob­a­bly seen how this works in the animal kingdom if you ever watch the Discovery channel shows, etc. But human evo­lu­tion was just as ruth­less, and in some ways still is. When push comes to shove, through­out history it has been the “asshole” who tends to survive. We had dif­fer­ent names for it, like Machiavellian behav­ior etc., but the common thread remains the same.

Evolution also works faster through what is called sexual selec­tion. That’s where the females of a species realize that if they look for certain of these sur­vival traits in the males of the species, then their off­spring will be more likely to survive. So not only do the strong get to survive, but they get to have sex and repro­duce too, because the females figure out that the weak males won’t have off­spring that are likely to survive either.

Humans are a bit more complex, but there are still a lot of women who look for overall strength of this type on at least some levels, and stay away from nice guys for the above reasons. Now there are other kinds of “strength” that can be dis­played these days that some women will find attrac­tive, but the reason we also see the “asshole” approach reality is that is what some women respond to.

You might be saying to your­self, “But I don’t want to ever act like an asshole to get a girl!” and I don’t blame you. I hon­estly don’t want to either. But let me con­vince you of the occa­sional need for being the oppo­site of nice by giving you the fol­low­ing analogy.

Let’s say you have a chair that has taken some abuse over the years, and it’s on the verge of falling apart. You have some nails, a hammer, and a screw­driver. The screw­driver might be your favorite tool, but in order to save this chair, you are going to have to pound in a few nails with that hammer, like it or not, because that is the tool for this job. If you don’t do it, the next person that sits on that chair might just cause it to break, and then you have a bigger job on your hands.

In some cases, women are like these chairs. For what­ever reason (maybe you don’t even buy the evo­lu­tional argu­ment above) they just respond to asshole type guys. But as I have men­tioned, it’s been my expe­ri­ence that a lot of these types of guys tend to be phys­i­cally abusive as well. If you don’t come along and attract them with what they like, a guy who is a real asshole will, and then where will you be, and where will she be? That is right, some asshole is going to go sit on her too hard and, like the chair, she will be totally busted.

Over ten years ago, one of the most gor­geous girls I ever dated left me for a total asshole guy. It was only many years later she real­ized I might have been the better choice, but by then we were lit­er­ally con­ti­nents apart and dating other people, it was too late. This guy wound up steal­ing lots of money from her, and made her life a nightmare.

I might not even be writing this report to you now if I had just acted a little more dom­i­nant, a little more like what some people might con­sider to be an asshole.

So knowing what I know now, I some­times look back with a twinge of regret that I didn’t have the tools to keep her attracted. That I didn’t use the hammer instead of the screw­driver. If I could have just ACTED like an asshole long enough, without really being one, I would have had the girl of my dreams, and her life would have been better off too.

There you have it; nature doesn’t always want us to be nice. Nature wants us to pass on our genes; it doesn’t care if you are naughty or nice. So there may be times where you need to get in touch with your inner asshole!

The way I approach things now is that I some­times act like a bit of an asshole with women, but I am always keeping their actual best inter­est in the back of my mind. Believe me, at my core this is still a hard thing to do, because I am really that same nice guy from a long time ago, I just know how to show it only at the right times.

If all of this leaves you scratch­ing your head, then you are just like me those many years ago. You will prob­a­bly have to see it to believe it. And that is why we created these reports, so guys like me back then, who might be a guy like you right now, could actu­ally see the tools and behav­iors of guys who were suc­cess­ful with women.

You will see approaches where the guys act fairly nice, and those where the guys don’t act so nice. You will get a chance to under­stand when to use each style, or just stick to the one you like best. But at the end of it all, you will have the toolset needed for all types of women, and at least you won’t have to be like me and wonder “what if”.

Have a not-so-nice day…

 

Get In This Bed to Get Into Hers

03 Mar

Right about now maybe you are think­ing, “What kind of bed can I get into that will help me get into the bed of the girl I want?”

Maybe you might be imag­in­ing some cool new tech­nol­ogy where you get into an oxy­genated chamber over a bed with flash­ing lights and sub­lim­i­nal mes­sages, and when you wake up you will be pro­grammed to be like a Robocop master of pickup.

Or maybe some­thing like one of those cool tantra chairs, that will inspire you to believe you are a sex god, and your result­ing con­fi­dence will make women melt?

Is that what I am talking about?

Before I answer, let me ask you two questions.

How much moti­va­tion do you have right now to meet women? How much are you actively working to learn all you can to improve your success with women?

I am asking you these two ques­tions because they are two of the great­est deter­mi­nants of your present and future success with women. Simple enough.

But I also ask you because I have been think­ing a bit recently about how short life really is.

I once heard a moti­va­tional tech­nique that instructs you to “get on your deathbed”. The idea is to ask your­self “What would I do if I only had 1 month left to live?”

The time­frame could be longer or shorter, just long enough that you would be on fire wanting to wring the most out of life and not too short so that you would feel like giving up. Think of what that time­frame would be for you.

Would you try to work harder, learn more, and talk to as many women as you could? Would you really care what other people think of you if you talk to any woman at anytime?

I think the answer would be yes. It’s a simple exer­cise really, sort of what Einstein would have called a “gedanken”, or a thought exper­i­ment. But if you simply put your­self through this exer­cise, this idea of “getting on your deathbed”, you won’t need some kind of high tech affir­ma­tions bed like I described above. Which is good because, to my knowl­edge, such a thing doesn’t exist anyway. So that answers the ques­tion from above, this is not a real bed, just a thought exercise.

I realize it might sound a bit morbid to think this way, but don’t con­cen­trate on the death aspect, just the after­math of how you would want to live life to its fullest. If you think about it, it’s actu­ally a kind of cliché that people who are actu­ally about to die want to sud­denly have sex. How many movies have been made with scenes where the guy is going off to war and talks his virgin girl­friend into finally having sex since he might never come back?

The fact is that our genes program us for this kind of thing anyway. They have given us two main, pow­er­ful instructions:

  1. Stay alive!
  2. Stay alive long enough to have sex and children!

So in this way of looking at it, it does make sense to “get on your deathbed” in order to “get into her bed”.

Just realize that each day here could be your last, try to live it to the maximum, not just with women, but with any­thing you do. I really don’t care how you get your moti­va­tion, maybe if you get it from exer­cise, or doing med­i­ta­tion, what­ever. This is just one idea for getting that motivation.

But even though it sounds a bit strange, if you haven’t thought of or tried the thought exper­i­ment of imag­in­ing you only have a little time left to live, just try it and focus on the moti­va­tion factor. The point is that today, right here and now, is the only guar­an­tee you have, so make the most of it!

 

Exploiting the Environment Is a Good Thing

28 Feb

Today I’m going to tell you how con­tribut­ing to global warming can help you get the girl!

Many guys I know, even guys who help others to learn pickup, will knock using what’s known as “envi­ron­men­tal openers”. Those guys tend to promote the almost exclu­sive use of mem­o­rized mate­r­ial. Repeatable lines.

I can appre­ci­ate this because for the begin­ner it is easier to have a few things mem­o­rized. Memorizing a few common openers and being pre­pared builds some con­fi­dence to “just do it” for those who are apt to hes­i­tate and, in doing so, their results will improve because they are at least doing some­thing whereas before they did nothing.

Hence, the per­cep­tion of better results based on mate­r­ial when, in fact, at least for the begin­ner, the bigger impact comes from taking action versus not taking action.

However, once you get over this hump and approach­ing or opening are no longer issues, you will begin to feel the need to have a natural context for normal con­ver­sa­tions to take place.

When approach­ing women you need to focus on getting under the radar to get IN faster and easier than what might oth­er­wise be per­ceived as a “pickup”.

You may wonder why this is impor­tant. It is a sub­tlety that you won’t hear about often because it requires the person to explain social context, espe­cially the context of a typical woman’s world and thought process.

Most women who aren’t nor­mally promis­cu­ous, espe­cially when they’re younger (but at least out of college, say around 20–27) see the world of meeting men as:

  • through friends
  • being intro­duced
  • waiting until they are approached

Still, even when a man approaches her, in the back of her mind she will later have to describe to her girl­friends and imme­di­ate social network how she met him. She does NOT want to be per­ceived as promis­cu­ous (even if she is!) and she, like many women, will need to feel validated.

Unlike most men, most women know they can get just about any man to sleep with them if they simply offer. This is not the goal for them. The primary goal is to find a man who THEY are inter­ested in, but there is a lot of pres­sure to also meet him through pre-established “social spheres”.

Let’s review some levels of intimacy/familiarity — I will put a star (*) next to sit­u­a­tions that would meet, within a woman’s social context, the notion of “social sphere”. In con­trast, I will put an “x” next to those sit­u­a­tions women will feel their friends, family, or cowork­ers might look upon negatively.

x Happen to be in same place, no context
x Met on the Internet
x Met in a bar/club
x Met on the street
x Met in random but common loca­tion (store, ele­va­tor, diner)
* Met at vaca­tion resort
* Met at a loca­tion of mutual inter­est (museum, concert, etc)
* Met at a social club event
* Met at a private party (wedding, cel­e­bra­tion, holiday, etc)
* Have a mutual friend
* Involved in mutual activ­ity (class, vol­un­teer­ing, hobby)
* Go to same school
* Work at same company (co-worker or client)

For men, any context is ade­quate but, for women, at least if any­thing more than a secret fling is to occur, the means in which they meet must match their notion (and their friends’ notions) of “social sphere”.

That is NOT to say the items I’ve put an “x” next to cannot be con­strued to be within a “social sphere” context, only that upon initial reflec­tion how such sit­u­a­tions will be seen.

I’ll explain in a moment how to get past this context issue. For now, realize that the point is if you have a choice to meet new women in certain context, make it easier for your­self ini­tially and cap­i­tal­ize on the context of certain envi­ron­ments and sit­u­a­tions. Put your­self in places and sit­u­a­tions where the women you meet will not hes­i­tate based on a context that people they know will not look upon negatively.

But … you already knew this, right? If you didn’t, well, now you do!

You don’t need a report to tell you that it’s easier to meet women from within the context of social spheres or mutual inter­ests, than walking up to them as a literal stranger… BUT

The point here is to explain WHY this is the case and with the knowl­edge of WHY we can now get to the good stuff – HOW to still succeed in places and sit­u­a­tions that would nor­mally be stacked against you!

It is pos­si­ble to get past context issues by playing with subtlety.

If we can agree that approach­ing women within their social spheres is a “hot” approach and approach­ing her outside those circles is a “cold” approach, then the way you look at this is to find an avenue for a middle ground to turn “cold” approaches into “warm” ones. And if your name is Luke, “luke­warm” approaches.

HOT (walking down­hill with the wind behind your back)
COLD (walking uphill with the wind against your face)
WARM (walking on level ground with calm winds)

You can also see WARM approaches as pos­si­bly more pos­i­tive for her because they allow her to pursue a rela­tion­ship that, if doesn’t go well, won’t put the struc­ture of her estab­lished social sphere into chaos.

For example, if you meet a woman in a book­store, you must find a common ground of famil­iar­ity and a context to allow for what could be per­ceived as “social sphere”. You can even bend the laws of logic to do so! So long as you can achieve attrac­tion in the inter­ac­tion, context issues will not be a problem if you can have her per­ceive the meeting to be at least periph­er­ally within her per­cep­tion of her social sphere.

A girl in the foreign lan­guage section of the book­store might be inter­ested to learn a new lan­guage. For the context of that approach, so are you. That is your subtle context. But that’s not enough. There must be famil­iar­ity with some­thing in the environment.

In terms of con­ver­sa­tion and inter­ac­tion, this would be known as “rapport”, but in terms of ini­ti­at­ing meeting someone, it would be a shared element of the envi­ron­ment or a shared observation.

In addi­tion, opening this way allows you to quickly find a context of famil­iar­ity and rapport. But, and this is a big but, you must not chase the rapport, but rather allow it to come about on its own through your lead.

With this style of WARM approach, you utilize an obser­va­tion of the envi­ron­ment around her to create your opener and deepen the con­nec­tion to her social sphere by con­nect­ing the overall envi­ron­ment to a mutual inter­est or lifestyle or common connection.

Exploiting the envi­ron­ment in this way not only often times creates your opener for you; it also helps you to avoid legit social sphere issues. You may not come up with the great­est of openers your first few times, but getting the swing of this style approach actu­ally gets you in deeper from the start.

You must work on your powers of observation!

To get you started, here is a list of things in her envi­ron­ment you can take notice of:

  • Where you both are
  • Something she is looking at
  • Something she is wearing
  • Something she us using
  • Something in front of her
  • Music which may be playing in the background
  • Something playing on a nearby TV
  • Something hap­pen­ing nearby

Once opened, pin­point a common ground for you and her and, during con­ver­sa­tion, rein­force (in other words, “inter­pret for her”) how this common ground con­nects the both of you and con­tinue with the attrac­tion skills you’ve learned these reports.

Challenge your­self that at least 10 times this week and 10 times in the coming week you will prac­tice approach­ing and opening a girl by exploit­ing the envi­ron­ment around you.

Start getting those cold approaches closer to hot…

 

Are You Settling For Less?

24 Feb

Ask your­self now: “Am I set­tling for less?”

This ques­tion shouldn’t need clar­i­fi­ca­tion; you should be able to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ fairly quickly. But for the sake of being thor­ough, this ques­tion is asking if you are set­tling for less in all areas of your life. For example:

  • Are you happy with the job you have?
  • Are you happy with your success with women?
  • Are you happy with the level of success you have achieved?

If you answered ‘no’ to these ques­tions, ask your­self if some­where along the way you just decided that it really didn’t matter that much. Ask your­self if you used to have big dreams but gave up on them.

Chances are that like most people, you might be set­tling for less in at least some ways, and that you might need some moti­va­tion to move in the right direction.

Now there are a lot of ways to attack this problem, but the first thing we need to look at is some­thing called ‘entitlement’.

I first learned about this concept from watch­ing a TV show on CNBC called ‘The Big Idea’. It is hosted by a suc­cess­ful busi­ness­man named Donny Deutsch who sold his adver­tis­ing agency for $300 million.

What Deutsch talks about is that one of the big deter­mi­nants of success is whether you actu­ally believe you deserve to succeed, whether you believe you are ‘enti­tled’ to succeed.

To put this all in simple English, the way Deutsch asks the ques­tion is: “Why not me?”

Now nor­mally I don’t rec­om­mend asking ques­tions that are phrased to search for neg­a­tive reasons (has to do with NLP), but for now let’s just go with the flow.

The idea is that when you ask your­self this, your answer needs to be:

I can’t think of any reasons why not me. I deserve to succeed as much as the next guy, if not more so.”

But many people really don’t believe in their heart of hearts that they deserve to succeed. And so they spend their lives set­tling for less.

Alright, phi­los­o­phy mode off. Time to tie this in to success with women.

You have to have a core belief that you deserve to do great with women, oth­er­wise your sub­con­scious mind is always going to be fight­ing you at every step. If you don’t have this belief, when you see an attrac­tive woman you want to approach, you will spend all your time trying to figure out the ways in which she will reject you instead of actu­ally approach­ing her.

I know I am strik­ing a nerve with you here, because it strikes a nerve even for me, even with all I already know. That is how pow­er­ful this kind of (lack of) belief is, that you might fight against it all your life and never fully remove it. That is part of why there are tricks to get around it, things like the “Immediate Action Rule” and others like.

But half the battle is often just simple real­iza­tion. If you haven’t been asking your­self if you are set­tling for less, and if you haven’t been telling your­self that you deserve more, then you are prob­a­bly living each day like Groundhog Day, and the cycle just keeps repeating.

So from now on, be con­stantly con­scious of deserv­ing more and strive for more. As it per­tains to women, don’t settle for a woman just because you think she is the best you can get.

Sure, you may get shot down in the process of trying for better than what you have now, it happens to all of us. But as you start racking up your suc­cesses, you will get on a roll. And as you get more success with women, your success in other areas of your life will auto­mat­i­cally improve as well. This happens because you feel more con­fi­dent about your­self and your abil­i­ties, and other people who see your success with women will judge you as being more suc­cess­ful. It all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It’s funny, because most common knowl­edge says you have to get success with other areas of your life first to get success with women, but here I am telling you it can work in reverse. I am telling you this from per­sonal expe­ri­ence as usual.

 

How This One Word Will Improve Your Success

21 Feb

We live in a world of causes and effects. A follows B and when it gets cold outside you put on a jacket, when a fire truck sirens blare too loud you cover your ears, when you see a good looking woman your heart beats faster, and so on.

For a lot of our lives we are obliv­i­ous to this natural order of causes and effects, we don’t con­stantly name them each when they happen as that would take too much time. But often times when a certain cause occurs, we unques­tion­ingly follow through with the effect without even really think­ing about whether there is a choice for a dif­fer­ent effect.

You can call this your “autopi­lot” response. It is actu­ally a sur­vival mech­a­nism, if you had to think deeply about every choice you are pre­sented with in life, you would waste a lot of time.

So it’s part of human psy­chol­ogy, and maybe even an evo­lu­tional response to try to sim­plify life by repeat­ing past behav­iors and also mimic the behav­ior of others when we don’t have an autopi­lot response avail­able to us.

Now since we all tend to have this autopi­lot response, if we are pre­sented with a cause of any sort, we are often more likely to follow through to the pre­sup­posed effect than we would be without any given cause, regard­less of whether the cause would be con­sid­ered valid logically.

OK, this may be a bit hard to follow, so let’s illus­trate with an example from the book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” by Robert Cialdini. Cialdini writes about an actual exper­i­ment where researchers had sub­jects ask to use a copy machine that was already in use by someone else. In some cases, the sub­jects would only ask “Excuse me, do you mind if use the copier?” and in other cases, “Excuse me, do you mind if I use the copier, because I need to make copies.”

The result was that when the sub­jects just asked to use the copier without stating the reason, they were turned down far more often than when they sup­plied the reason for their request. But it is obvious from the context that even when they didn’t supply the reason that they wanted to use the copier to make copies, so the con­clu­sion is that merely adding the obvious phrase “because I need to make copies” made the dif­fer­ence in getting the request granted.

Our autopi­lot response to being given a reason pre­ceded by “because” might also come from out child­hood years when our parents are con­stantly telling us things like “you have to eat all your peas because there are people starv­ing in Africa”. At a young age we may not log­i­cally care about the starv­ing people in Africa, but we get the emotion behind what our parents are saying, and we obe­di­ently follow along. We learned that the word “because” is impor­tant and a reason to do something.

Dictionary.com defines the word “because” as follows:

Because – “for the reason that; due to the fact that”

OK, you prob­a­bly knew that, but it’s worth using this simple word a bit more often in your inter­ac­tions with people in general and women in par­tic­u­lar. Let’s look at some examples:

Let’s go to this restau­rant because it’s the coolest sushi bar I have ever been to.”

Let’s go by my house first because I need to drop off my bag.”

Let’s meet for coffee because I can tell you and I would have the most intense con­ver­sa­tion once we get a little caf­feine in us.”

We have to go to this bar because it has the most amazing Mojitos you ever.”

All of these state­ments are much more likely to be accepted because of the use of the word “because”. I use this myself all the time almost uncon­sciously now, and it works great.

But this is just one piece of a much larger body of knowl­edge that can improve your results with women, it’s not as helpful if you don’t know about female psy­chol­ogy, body lan­guage, opening, fol­low­ing up, getting her back to your place, etc.

In the mean­time, get out there and test this new tech­nique out now, BECAUSE the clock is ticking and the women are waiting!

 

One Sssstep at a Time

17 Feb

There are stages in our exis­tence we get out of step with our per­sonal social sta­bil­ity and can’t see our way back sans the assis­tance of others. Consider this cor­re­spon­dence a step in the right course as I advance you step-by-step through the process. To start, no success can take place unless you are set to step up and stake certain action when you discern you must. That’s the first step. The next step is to ascer­tain any missing knowl­edge and start seeking the right steps towards seizing such skills. This will some­times neces­si­tate you to step outside of your present sequence and step inside a new one. You may not spot how your per­cep­tions need to trans­form until you step back and witness a supe­rior sight of things. The seg­ments of under­stand­ings you stumble on are not your deci­sive answer but instead your step­ping stones for real­iz­ing your goals. The sole wrong step in the process is taking zero steps forward. In the process, it will be nec­es­sary to ask some persons to step aside when they obstruct your progress and say to any person who attempts to step on you to step off. Conclusively when you close in on what you con­sid­ered was the last step to realize your aspi­ra­tions, you rec­og­nize it was simply the first step towards a new purpose, one which you never con­sid­ered previously.

Now that I’ve got your atten­tion with my homage to a “V for Vendetta-esque” diatribe…

The gist of the message is that, like any process you are unfa­mil­iar with, you must learn how to get through it in order to be adept at it. The first step is real­iz­ing an accept­ing that.

Many people have access to a car and drive every day, but there was a point in their life that they’d never driven a car before and their only expe­ri­ence was watch­ing OTHER people drive.

After many years of driving, and espe­cially when­ever driving a famil­iar route, most people expe­ri­ence a near-hypnotic auto­mated ability to drive them­selves from point A to point B without barely any memory of the actual drive.

If you think about it, that’s really amazing given how many complex things a human needs to do to accom­plish this without causing a wreck. Watching the traffic around them, rear view mirror, left mirror, right mirror, adjust­ing the wheel for curves or to avoid other drivers or obsta­cles, accel­er­at­ing, tapping the break, watch­ing for road signs, road con­di­tions, sig­nal­ing when needed, paying atten­tion to driving speed, and a hundred other pos­si­ble things.

Part of getting to that point, they had to do a number of things:

  • Become aware of WHAT had to be learned
  • Learn what needed to be learned
  • Put their learn­ing into practice

From the stand­point of getting better at meeting and suc­ceed­ing with women, you can look at our reports as becom­ing aware of WHAT to learn. Really, looking around, that is pretty much already done for you.

What is not done for you is actu­ally taking the time to learn that stuff and then putting that learn­ing into prac­tice. We are giving you access to the tools, it’s up to you to use them.

When you use those tools, it’s impor­tant to not try to get ahead of your­self and focus too much on your concern of ulti­mate outcome but, rather, learn one step at a time and focus on each suc­ces­sive step.

The only wrong way to go about this is to not take any steps at all (for example, just reading these reports but not taking any action). Figure out what the next step is and get to it.

Finally, there will some­times be people who will get in your way, whether out of jeal­ousy, spite, or mis­un­der­stand­ing. You can’t let those people dictate or hinder your process. If they are not actively helping you achieve your goals or, worse, hin­der­ing you, they’ll need to step aside and get out of your way.

Do appre­ci­ate the people who cheer on your success, even if they don’t out­right help, because pos­i­tiv­ity from others is valu­able and does help you a long. You shouldn’t depend on it but if it’s there then don’t take it for granted and show your appreciation.

Do not allow any­thing to dis­cour­age you, take it one step at a time, and even­tu­ally you will get to a place where you might even see it pos­si­ble to achieve goals you had not pre­vi­ously thought possible.

Isn’t this all really pretty simple? Isn’t it amazing that it takes a report like this to shine a light on a path which might oth­er­wise have not been obvious to you?

I’m here to cheer you on AND provide you the tools, step by step.

There are stages in our exis­tence we get out of step with our per­sonal social sta­bil­ity and can’t see our way back sans the assis­tance of others. Consider this cor­re­spon­dence a step in the right course as I advance you step-by-step through the process. To start, no success can take place unless you are set to step up and stake certain action when you discern you must. That’s the first step. The next step is to ascer­tain any missing knowl­edge and start seeking the right steps towards seizing such skills. This will some­times neces­si­tate you to step outside of your present sequence and step inside a new one. You may not spot how your per­cep­tions need to trans­form until you step back and witness a supe­rior sight of things. The seg­ments of under­stand­ings you stumble on are not your deci­sive answer but instead your step­ping stones for real­iz­ing your goals. The sole wrong step in the process is taking zero steps forward. In the process, it will be nec­es­sary to ask some persons to step aside when they obstruct your progress and say to any person who attempts to step on you to step off. Conclusively when you close in on what you con­sid­ered was the last step to realize your aspi­ra­tions, you rec­og­nize it was simply the first step towards a new purpose, one which you never con­sid­ered previously.

Now that I’ve got your atten­tion with my homage to a “V for Vendetta-esque” diatribe…

The gist of the message is that, like any process you are unfa­mil­iar with, you must learn how to get through it in order to be adept at it. The first step is real­iz­ing an accept­ing that.

Many people have access to a car and drive every day, but there was a point in their life that they’d never driven a car before and their only expe­ri­ence was watch­ing OTHER people drive.

After many years of driving, and espe­cially when­ever driving a famil­iar route, most people expe­ri­ence a near-hypnotic auto­mated ability to drive them­selves from point A to point B without barely any memory of the actual drive.

If you think about it, that’s really amazing given how many complex things a human needs to do to accom­plish this without causing a wreck. Watching the traffic around them, rear view mirror, left mirror, right mirror, adjust­ing the wheel for curves or to avoid other drivers or obsta­cles, accel­er­at­ing, tapping the break, watch­ing for road signs, road con­di­tions, sig­nal­ing when needed, paying atten­tion to driving speed, and a hundred other pos­si­ble things.

Part of getting to that point, they had to do a number of things:

· Become aware of WHAT had to be learned

· Learn what needed to be learned

· Put their learn­ing into practice

From the stand­point of getting better at meeting and suc­ceed­ing with women, you can look at our reports as becom­ing aware of WHAT to learn. Really, looking around, that is pretty much already done for you.

What is not done for you is actu­ally taking the time to learn that stuff and then putting that learn­ing into prac­tice. We are giving you access to the tools, it’s up to you to use them.

When you use those tools, it’s impor­tant to not try to get ahead of your­self and focus too much on your concern of ulti­mate outcome but, rather, learn one step at a time and focus on each suc­ces­sive step.

The only wrong way to go about this is to not take any steps at all (for example, just reading these reports but not taking any action). Figure out what the next step is and get to it.

Finally, there will some­times be people who will get in your way, whether out of jeal­ousy, spite, or mis­un­der­stand­ing. You can’t let those people dictate or hinder your process. If they are not actively helping you achieve your goals or, worse, hin­der­ing you, they’ll need to step aside and get out of your way.

Do appre­ci­ate the people who cheer on your success, even if they don’t out­right help, because pos­i­tiv­ity from others is valu­able and does help you a long. You shouldn’t depend on it but if it’s there then don’t take it for granted and show your appreciation.

Do not allow any­thing to dis­cour­age you, take it There are stages in our exis­tence we get out of step with our per­sonal social sta­bil­ity and can’t see our way back sans the assis­tance of others. Consider this cor­re­spon­dence a step in the right course as I advance you step-by-step through the process. To start, no success can take place unless you are set to step up and stake certain action when you discern you must. That’s the first step. The next step is to ascer­tain any missing knowl­edge and start seeking the right steps towards seizing such skills. This will some­times neces­si­tate you to step outside of your present sequence and step inside a new one. You may not spot how your per­cep­tions need to trans­form until you step back and witness a supe­rior sight of things. The seg­ments of under­stand­ings you stumble on are not your deci­sive answer but instead your step­ping stones for real­iz­ing your goals. The sole wrong step in the process is taking zero steps forward. In the process, it will be nec­es­sary to ask some persons to step aside when they obstruct your progress and say to any person who attempts to step on you to step off. Conclusively when you close in on what you con­sid­ered was the last step to realize your aspi­ra­tions, you rec­og­nize it was simply the first step towards a new purpose, one which you never con­sid­ered previously.

Now that I’ve got your atten­tion with my homage to a “V for Vendetta-esque” diatribe…

The gist of the message is that, like any process you are unfa­mil­iar with, you must learn how to get through it in order to be adept at it. The first step is real­iz­ing an accept­ing that.

Many people have access to a car and drive every day, but there was a point in their life that they’d never driven a car before and their only expe­ri­ence was watch­ing OTHER people drive.

After many years of driving, and espe­cially when­ever driving a famil­iar route, most people expe­ri­ence a near-hypnotic auto­mated ability to drive them­selves from point A to point B without barely any memory of the actual drive.

If you think about it, that’s really amazing given how many complex things a human needs to do to accom­plish this without causing a wreck. Watching the traffic around them, rear view mirror, left mirror, right mirror, adjust­ing the wheel for curves or to avoid other drivers or obsta­cles, accel­er­at­ing, tapping the break, watch­ing for road signs, road con­di­tions, sig­nal­ing when needed, paying atten­tion to driving speed, and a hundred other pos­si­ble things.

Part of getting to that point, they had to do a number of things:

• Become aware of WHAT had to be learned
• Learn what needed to be learned
• Put their learn­ing into practice

From the stand­point of getting better at meeting and suc­ceed­ing with women, you can look at our reports as becom­ing aware of WHAT to learn. Really, looking around, that is pretty much already done for you.

What is not done for you is actu­ally taking the time to learn that stuff and then putting that learn­ing into prac­tice. We are giving you access to the tools, it’s up to you to use them.

When you use those tools, it’s impor­tant to not try to get ahead of your­self and focus too much on your concern of ulti­mate outcome but, rather, learn one step at a time and focus on each suc­ces­sive step.

The only wrong way to go about this is to not take any steps at all (for example, just reading these reports but not taking any action). Figure out what the next step is and get to it.

Finally, there will some­times be people who will get in your way, whether out of jeal­ousy, spite, or mis­un­der­stand­ing. You can’t let those people dictate or hinder your process. If they are not actively helping you achieve your goals or, worse, hin­der­ing you, they’ll need to step aside and get out of your way.

Do appre­ci­ate the people who cheer on your success, even if they don’t out­right help, because pos­i­tiv­ity from others is valu­able and does help you a long. You shouldn’t depend on it but if it’s there then don’t take it for granted and show your appreciation.

Do not allow any­thing to dis­cour­age you, take it one step at a time, and even­tu­ally you will get to a place where you might even see it pos­si­ble to achieve goals you had not pre­vi­ously thought possible.

Isn’t this all really pretty simple? Isn’t it amazing that it takes a report like this to shine a light on a path which might oth­er­wise have not been obvious to you?

I’m here to cheer you on AND provide you the tools, step by step.
one step at a time, and even­tu­ally you will get to a place where you might even see it pos­si­ble to achieve goals you had not pre­vi­ously thought possible.

Isn’t this all really pretty simple? Isn’t it amazing that it takes a report like this to shine a light on a path which might oth­er­wise have not been obvious to you?

I’m here to cheer you on AND provide you the tools, step by step.

 
 

How Telling a Story Can Get You Sex

14 Feb

Wouldn’t it be great if you could just open your mouth, tell a girl a good story, and then turn her on so much that she wants to have sex with you?

Well, I have good news, it actu­ally is possible!

One of my favorite quotes is from Voltaire who said:

Give me but 5 minutes to talk away my ugly face and I will bed the Queen of France!”

There was a man who knew the power of sto­ry­telling! But he wasn’t the only man to realize this simple fact.

I remem­ber back in college I knew a guy in my college fra­ter­nity who would tell the most inter­est­ing stories.

If we were in a party setting, he might start telling his story to just a few people, but inevitably by the time he ended his story, other people nearby would have stopped their con­ver­sa­tions in order to listen to him.

He was an average looking guy, and didn’t dress very well (he usually looked like a white version of MC Hammer), but he had much more success with women than most of the guys in our fraternity.

I spent all of my college years won­der­ing what made him so popular with women, and only years later I real­ized it was his ability to tell really inter­est­ing, com­pelling stories.

There are many levels on which telling good stories will make you irre­sistible to women. Let’s look at some of these:

  1. Center of atten­tion – a good story teller can make himself the center of atten­tion in almost any social setting. If people are gath­ered around you lis­ten­ing to you, other people who are out of earshot will see you as a leader and someone they want to meet.
  2. Good feel­ings linked to you – if you tell a good story that makes a woman laugh or just gen­er­ally feel good, she auto­mat­i­cally asso­ciates those feel­ings with you.
  3. Excuse to talk about sex – combine good story telling with sexual themes and you can get a woman think­ing about sex indi­rectly. The friend I men­tioned above used to tell a story about how he woke naked in a soror­ity house with lip­stick marks on his neck after a night of drink­ing. He had to grab a roll of toilet paper to cover his private parts so he could walk back home. Women absolutely loved this story, but it allowed him to hint that he had maybe had sex in a soror­ity house, and forced the women to imagine him naked. Done prop­erly, this can work wonders with women.
  4. Chance to attract her without brag­ging — imagine what would happen if you told a girl “I have a nice car, my friends are cool and we do fun things, and I have had a girl­friend who was a model.” She would be imme­di­ately turned off. But if these things are true, then you must have at least one or two stories that you can tell that intro­duce them as assumed facts, but in an indi­rect and enter­tain­ing way that might even seem humble if you do it right.

If you are not yet a good sto­ry­teller, don’t worry, it can be learned. The first step is just to write down a number of cool stories that you already know, and make them more inter­est­ing. If you don’t have any, then start from scratch.

Then prac­tice telling them in front of a mirror or, better yet, record your­self on video. Then once you feel it’s perfect, start telling it just to your guy friends, then move on to telling it to mixed groups of people.

When you get good at telling single stories, then you can learn to leave one story unfin­ished and start another, only to leave that one unfin­ished and go back to the orig­i­nal story. This tech­nique is dev­as­tat­ing and keeps lis­ten­ers lit­er­ally on the edge of their seats.

Some tips to remem­ber for good story telling are:

  • Smile
  • Use a lot of hand ges­tures and body language
  • Speak loudly and project your voice, espe­cially in a loud social setting
  • Add pauses for dra­matic effect

…The End

 
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